The Real Stories of the Ninja Turtles
by Senior Stevensonville
Summary: What would happen if the Ninja Turtles didn't have society's morals and just did whatever they wanted?  This story is what would happen!
1. Chapter 1

This is a tale about four brothers, who have evolved through mutation. They all started out as ordinary turtles, but became large humanoids with turtle shells on their backs and tough, green skin. The only difference between the four, as far as appearance goes, is the bandannas they wear, and the weapons they wield. As a group, they are called the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They spend most of their lives helping others, and saving the world from evil who would want to ruin everyone's peaceful lives.

Our story begins with our four brave heroes doing charity work in a local hospital for children. The room they are doing charity work in is filled with terminally ill children, and they are all crying with joy at the arrival of their favorite superheroes.

"WAAAAHHHHHH! These scary monsters are going to eat us!"

The leader, Cornelius, is putting on a show for the kids. He is punching things, and rocking his head up and down. Cornelius is wearing a bandanna with the word "Hulkster" written on it. On his back are his weapons, a chainsaw and a rocket launcher.

"I love parties! This music rocks! Mosh pit!"

Cornelius jumps on a group of huddled up children, who are standing in the corner. Cornelius even makes the shy ones feel like they are welcome. By the way, there is no music. I think he is enjoying the cries of joy from the children.

It seems our Hispanic member of the team, Amelio, is trying to give one of the kids some medicine to treat his sickness. He's such a good Samaritan. Amelio wears a black bandanna with a skull and crossbones on it. You can't see his weapon, but he hides a switchblade knife in his shell.

"Yo esay! Want to buy some of this cocaine? You'll feel like you don't even have a disease."

"B-b-b-b-but my mommy says that doing drugs is bad."

"Don't be loco, holmes! This is medicine! This bag will be fifty dollars."

"I don't have fifty dollars..."

"You trying to punk me, bra! No-one punks Amelio and lives to see tomorrow!"

Amelio gives the child a gentle tap on the nose for pulling a prank on him. A tap hard enough to give the kid a nose bleed.

"These flowers are delicious! I'm glad you disgusting little savages have something edible. Meat or anything processed is bad for my stomach."

Your opinion doesn't matter, Postulio! Postulio is eating the flowers that the children graciously gave him. What an ingrate. He might as well be breaking into the room against their will and stealing flowers that were given to them by their parents. Postulio wears a pink bandanna with a rainbow on it. His weapon of choice is a can of mace.

Our fourth and final member of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Lamp, is breaking all of the lamps in the room.

"I fucking hate lamps!"

Who knows what Lamp is thinking? I bet he has had too much of Amelio's medicine. Lamp wears a bandana that shines like a light bulb. He can make any lamp he wields his weapon of mass destruction.

It seems the children's parents and some policemen are outside of the door. I bet they want to join in on the party too.

"These monsters have held our children hostage! Could you please do something about them?"

"Don't worry ma'am. We'll do whatever we can to rescue your children. Our biggest obstacle is the monster in the middle. He has a rocket launcher and a chainsaw with him, and he might kill all of the children if we make a careless move."

All of the parents gasp at what the police officer said. Mister police officer probably forgot the paper and pens for our heroes to sign for their autograph. What a forgetful police officer.

"Anyway, lets first try to negotiate with them. Monsters! Please, let the children go, and come out with your hands up! If you come out quietly, alot of trouble will be avoided for both of us!"

"Oh shit! Time to split!"

Cornelius shouts, as he realizes their guests on the other side are there. He fires a rocket at the door where the policemen and parents are hiding. Our heroes decide to jump out of the window and leave, so they can give the children and parents some time to themselves. When they go outside, they see a large group of police who are waiting for them. I bet those mean police men want to harm the children. Cornelius shouts in anger.

"You bastards will never capture us! Let me handle this, everyone."

"Violence is wrong! We should just to negotiate and-"

"LAMP! NOW!"

"...fine."

Just as Postulio was about to continue his faggy speech, Amelio orders Lamp to shut him up. Lamp breaks a lamp over Postulio's head, knocking him out. Cornelius starts up his chainsaw, and dashes into the huddle of policemen. They all start shooting at him, but bullets don't effect Cornelius's mutant skin. Cornelius starts killing those evil policemen. Officer after officer, they are helpless against Cornelius's chainsaw and raw fighting spirit. Some policemen even try to trick Cornelius into surrendering.

"Please! Spare me! I won't fight anymore! I have a wife and kids!"

"DIE!"

Such trickery won't work on our hero. He kills the officer without hesitation. The hospital parking lot turns into a bloody battlefield, full of dismembered limbs and dead policemen. After Cornelius is sure that all of the policemen are gone, he signals to his teammates for an escape. Amelio picks up the unconscious Postulio, and they leave for their hideout.

The turtles' hideout is in the sewer, where they can fully enjoy themselves without fear of being attacked by villains. They all have expensive furniture and appliances that Amelio so kindly bought for everyone. Each turtle has his own room. Amelio also used his master skills to hook up some electricity for everyone. Just as they enter their hideout, they are greeted by their father and teacher, Tweaser.

"I see you all had fun. I wish you'd invite an old man to indulge in a child's fun once in a while."

Tweaser is a giant, mutated beaver, wearing only a ragged pair of pants. Tweaser slowly walks up to his children, and looks at them all with a saddened expression.

"I remember back when you were small turtlelings. We would have so much fun together. I would skip you across the pond, and use you to crack nuts. Now you're too cool to hang out with an old man. Time certainly does fly by."

"This is the 20th time you said this to us today, esay! Have you taken your medicine! It's the one that says "rat poison" on the box! Take it if you want to feel better!"

"Yeah, I took it. The medicine makes me feel like I'm young again!"

"Damn! I forgot that poison and radiation make us stronger!"

Amelio is such a caring son, helping his aging father feel strong and young again. Amelio throws Postulio on the ground, and everyone leaves to do their usual activities.

The day passes uneventfully, with the turtles doing their daily activities. Three of the turtles are present, with Tweaser complaining to Lamp about kids these days. Amelio enters the hideout after attending to some business outside. Amelio calls for the rest of the turtles.

"Yo! I need some help carrying some things into the hideout!"

"What have you found on your scavenger hunt, Paco?"

"I found a place with a bunch of thrown out lamps-"

"I don't want it, ass hole!"

Lamp jumps in angrily as Amelio is about to continue.

"I also found a large box of gay porno and a dildo for Postulio."

"That's real mature! I'll have you know that I don't appreciate your snide remarks that imply that I am a homosexual! If you make another joke like that again, I'll -"

Lamp finally gets tired of Postulio's whining and breaks a lamp over Postulio's head.

"Good job, Lamp! You really are the brightest member of our team...Pffffahahahahahahaha!"

"Hahahahahahaha! That's a good one, essay!"

"I hate you."

"Joking aside, I found a nice batch of appliances. One of our fridges is stuffed with dead moose that Amelio picked up. Our other one is full of faggy vegetarian garbage that Postulio crammed in the other. I'm tired of choosing between a dead moose and vegetarian garbage, so I want to get atleast two more fridges. One for me, and the other for Lamp."

"Since we're turtles, doesn't it make more sense if we're vegetarians?"

"Shut up, smart ass!"

Amelio and Cornelius both shout at Lamp.

"Having two more fridges in the house is a good idea. Lets go Paco and Lamp. We might as well get a new microwave too!"

The three turtles leave the unconscious Postulio on the floor, and leave their hideout. It's about midnight, which is perfect for buying appliances without having to worry about other customers getting in the way. They make their way to a small appliance store that's seemingly closed. Silly heroes, you need to go to a larger store if you want to buy appliances at this time of night.

"Cornelius, fire a rocket on the store's door!"

"Got ya, Paco!"

Cornelius takes out his rocket launcher and aims at the door of the appliance store.

"Stop right there! I'll kill you before you have a chance to rob that store!"

"Who's there?"

Everyone shouts as a strange person in the dark walks up to them. As they look at him, light conveniently comes up on his face. The mysterious villain is wearing a shogun mask and shogun armor to go with his mask. It seems this new villain is wanting to interrupt our heroes' shopping trip.

"You'll pay for what you did to me and my family! My name is-"

Chapter 1 end


	2. Chapter 2

"You monsters will pay for what you've done to me and my family! My name is Blender! I have spent these past three years training in order to kill you!"

Oh no! This guy is wanting to kill our heroes! Obviously, Amelio will not take this lying down. He steps up, and faces Blender's challenge!

"This seems fun, I'll take this one!"

Amelio and Lamp step out of the way, and decide to do their shopping while Cornelius and Blender fight. Cornelius quickly pulls out his rocket launcher, and fires at Blender. Blender jumps out of the way at an impossible height. Now that I take a second look, Blender's arms and legs are really long and slim. Cornelius doesn't let that miss discourage him. While Blender's still in the air, Cornelius aims at him again. Blender takes this chance, and throws a grenade into the barrel of the rocket launcher.

"Oh shit!"

Cornelius's rocket launcher makes a massive explosion. Pieces of the rocket launcher fly everywhere. Blender lands and smiles triumphantly. This can't be true, can it?

"I've taken down the strongest of you monsters. I just need to kill the other two and my revenge will be complete."

"A tiny explosion like that won't kill me!"

"You've gotta be kidding me!"

Cornelius is still standing where the explosion went off. Thank goodness! Cornelius's skin is a little burnt, but otherwise, he's completely fine. He has his chainsaw started up and ready to use.

"How the hell did you survive that?"

"Turtles specialize in defense!"

"That doesn't make any god damn sense! I'll retreat for now, and rethink my means in killing you. Next time I'll prepare a damn nuke!"

"I don't think so, you little bitch!"

Cornelius tries to chase the retreating Blender, but Cornelius forgot that turtles also specialize in being slow. Blender is completely out of sight by the time Cornelius starts running. Amelio and Lamp exit the appliance store shortly after the fight.

"Yo esay! We have the appliances."

"I also picked up a deep freezer, so you can put your dead moose in it."

"Kick ass! Now we just need some food to put in these things! Lets hit up the grocery store next!"

"Where's your rocket launcher, man?"

"Now that I think about it, you're not covered with blood and body parts either. You're even a little damaged! Did that weirdo actually put up a fight against you?"

"The little bitch threw a grenade in the barrel of my rocket launcher. He ran away after that! Paco, I'll need you to find me another rocket launcher."

"Hell no! I had to sneak into a military base to find that thing, man! I'm not doing that again holmes!"

"I'll get that ass hole back for destroying my rocket launcher!"

With those parting words, the three left for the department store to do some grocery shopping. After the grocery shopping was finished, they returned home. As they walk inside, they see Tweaser telling childhood stories to the still knocked out Postulio. They sneak past Tweaser to make sure he doesn't start talking to them, put their food and appliances up, and go to bed.

Postulio wakes up, and realizes he's laying down on the floor with broken lamp parts scattered around the floor. He looks at the nearest clock, and sees that it's 12:00 pm.

"Oh goodness! It's time for me to go my good deeds! I need to get prepared!"

Postulio sneaks into Cornelius's room, and takes his chainsaw. He takes some signs and a megaphone from his room, then leaves the hideout. Postulio then goes to a local farm and takes some cows. He puts 5 of them in a trailer and drags them into the city. Finally, Postulio stops at a burger restaurant. Postulio takes up his sign, which says "Cows are people too!" and starts shouting at the restaurant.

"Stop selling your deep fried murder! You see these lovely creatures behind me? For every burger you eat, you're killing one of these beautiful cows! Let me give you a demonstration of exactly what you are doing!"

Postulio starts up Cornelius's chainsaw. He then takes one of the cows out of the trailer, and cuts one in half with the chainsaw. For a second, a smile flashed across Postulio's face.

"That's right! Every time you eat a hamburger, you're cutting a cow in half with a chainsaw!"

Everyone in the restaurant start screaming at the sight of a giant turtle cutting a cow in half with a chainsaw. Children start crying, and the restaurant employees don't know what to do.

"Time for another poor, beautiful cow to enter the Postulio's slaughterhouse! I won't stop until you close this place down and start selling veggie or tofu burgers!"

Before we continue with Postulio's protest, lets see what's going on in the turtle hideout! Oh my! Cornelius is upset. He's frantically looking around and shouting.

"Where the hell is my chainsaw? First my rocket launcher is gone, and now my chainsaw? I'll tear this god damn place down if I have to!"

"Calm down, esay! I can find another chainsaw!"

"That won't do! I don't mind the rocket launcher being replaced, but every time I wield that chainsaw, I can smell the blood of those I have defeated!"

"I think Postulio might have taken it. I can smell his perfume in your room. He might have taken it for protesting. He should give it back soon."

"I'll tear that fag in two for touching my chainsaw! I'll leave right now and -"

"Calm down!"

Lamp gets tired of trying to reason with Cornelius, and knocks Cornelius out by hitting him on the head with a lamp.

"Yo, holmes. You should get over your hatred of your silly name and use lamps again, man. You just did something to Cornelius that large explosions and heavy powered military weapons could never do."

"Nevermind that. I think we should look for Postulio and get Cornelius's chainsaw back. I'm sure he's in-front of some kind of resturaunt slaughtering animals, so he shouldn't be hard to find."

Lamp ignores Amelio's advice and suggests that they leave to look for Postulio. Amelio sighs, and heads out with Lamp.

Back to the protest, Postulio takes out another cow, and cuts it into several pieces with his chainsaw. The restaurant parking becomes painted in blood and cow body parts. Everyone in the area is absolutely terrified. When Postulio gets out his third cow, a voice stops him.

"Stop right there! Just because you don't like meat doesn't mean you have the right to force others to stop eating it. Because us humans are on top of the food chain, we can enjoy these delicious meat products!"

It's Blender! It looks like he's here to stop Postulio! I...I don't know who I should support! I hate Postulio, but if Postulio dies, his brothers will be sad..fine! Go Postulio! Don't let that villain overcome you!

"You're killing innocent creatures in the process!"

"...I...I don't think reason will do anything for you. So be it! I'm better prepared than I was last night, so I won't fail to take you down!"

Blender takes out a flamethrower, and aims it at Postulio. Postulio looks at what he's holding.

"Eek! Cornelius will kill me if I let his precious chainsaw get burned!"

Postulio throws the chainsaw away, and takes the flamethrower blast. Blender takes out three grenades as he's incinerating Postulio. It seems he's learned from his mistake last night.

"Is that all you've got? How utterly boorish. This'll cut you down to size...! KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Guh!"

Postulio lets out a horrendous scream. It starts breaking glass, and forces Blender to put his weapons up for a second in order to cover his ears. Postulio takes this chance and throws one of the cows that are alive at Blender. Blender is unable to dodge the flying cow, and is hit right in the midsection with it. He skids on the ground for a few feet, and is under the cow. Blender is now stuck under the cow. He tries to move the cow off of him, but it's too heavy. As he struggles to get the cow off of him, he sees Postulio slowly running towards him.

"I'm sorry cow, but this is for my own survival!"

Blender takes out a grenade, and puts it in the cow's mouth. The cow's upper half is blown up, and also blows Blender out from under the cow. Postulio looks in horror at the sight.

"You...murdered that poor cow! You're gonna pay! KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Postulio starts his horrible screaming again. Blender rips off some clothes and stuffs his ears with them. Blender takes out another grenade, and tries throwing it in Postulio's mouth. Postulio realizes the grenade is coming towards him and bites down on the grenade. It explodes in his mouth, but doesn't cause much damage.

"How sturdy are you freaks? I'm out of grenades, and it looks like my flamethrower won't do any good. I'll come back and prepare some even stronger weapons!"

Blender runs away before Postulio can catch up to him. Postulio sighs and goes back to where he was protesting. He comes back to see Amelio and Lamp eating the dead cows.

"What are you savages doing? You're going to make those people want to eat hamburgers!"

"What people? There's no-one around."

"Geez! That guy interrupted me right when I was about to convince them! I guess I better give Cornelius his chainsaw back. By the way, what is up with all those destroyed police cars and dead police officers?"

"They tried to clip us when we came to pick ya up, esay. Me 'an Lamp made quick work out of 'em."

"We got hungry after all that fighting, and found these dead cows, so we decided to eat something. Lets give Cornelius back his chainsaw before he wakes up."

Everyone agrees to what Lamp says, and they all head home. All seems well, but is it? Blender is likely cooking up an even bigger scheme for taking over the world! What is it? Find out next chapter!

Chapter 2 end


	3. Chapter 3

Today's chapter starts in a town meeting. Everyone seems to be fussing and arguing about something. What could they possibly be talking about?

"We have to do something about these turtle monsters! They're destroying the city!"

"They have already killed most of the city's police and special defense, and what little they didn't kill have quit due to fear of going up against them!"

"A large percentage of our city has also moved out due to the harassment of those mutants."

"There's gangs and delinquents running amok in the city, and they're not even trying to conceal their actions anymore!"

"They even fired a rocket in a room full of terminally ill children, and killed half of the kids, along with their parents!"

"To be fair, the kids were gonna die soon anyway."

"What nerve!"

"You're going to hell, sir!"

"Calm down everyone!"

It seems everyone is wanting to throw a celebration for the Ninja Turtles! What wonderful people for wanting to thank our heroes. The mayor just stepped up and it looks like he has a plan for a great celebration!

"I know you're all upset about the mutants wrecking our city, but I've found a guy who's willing to work with us in order to kill them off. He has survived two encounters with the monsters, and he wants them gone as much as us. His name is Blender!"

After the mayor speaks, Blender starts walking in. Oh no! What is Blender doing here? I bet he's gonna try to brainwash everyone into doing something bad to our heroes! Don't believe him, everyone!

"Hello citizens. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who wants the turtles dead."

"What's up with that get up?"

"Your body's shaped weird, are you a mutant too?"

"I'm perfectly human, but whether I'm human or not doesn't matter. What matters most is the crisis facing this city. I am here to ask for donations for heavy military weaponry. As much as I hate to say, I have exhausted my own weapon reserves trying to kill them. They can take explosions with hardly a scratch, and even going for the inside the mouth doesn't do any good, so the only real solution I can think of, is to keep chipping away at them with the most powerful weapons possible. I know giving expensive, heavily military weaponry to a stranger might sound unreasonable, but I am willing to do whatever it takes to kill those monsters. I sincerely ask for your cooperation."

"You've fought against them twice, right?"

"I have. They endured everything I threw at them without even appearing hurt, so I was forced to retreat. I won't continue a hopeless fight and die like a dog before getting my revenge."

"What is your motivation for killing them?"

"They're personal matters. The turtles did something horrible to me and I want them to pay."

"I say we cooperate with the guy. He seems sincere, and it's not like there's any police left to fight against them anyway."

"I agree!"

"Me too!"

"So we're all in agreement that we should aid Blender however we can in order to help us rid our city of this plague?"

"Yes!"

Everyone shouts in agreement. This is bad! Blender brainwashed the townspeople so they can help him do his evil bidding! Blender walks out of the room after getting confirmation from everyone, and makes a malicious, evil smile.

"Darling, you're one step closer to being avenged."

Thankfully, the Ninja Turtles have heard of this problem, and are preparing for the troubles that are about to come. Cornelius is joyously singing to encourage everyone.

"I once met a guy with a weird name, and his name is Lamp!"

"I'm gonna kick your ass!"

Cornelius and Lamp then start sparring in preparation for the incoming battles. Postulio is debating with Tweaser as to why eating meat is wrong.

"Several animals die for every meat product you eat! Why don't you see that?"

"Who are you, and what are you doing in my house!"

"The ecosystem will die for your savage ways!"

"Are you my dead wife? Mary! Come here and give me a kiss!"

"What are you doing? Get away from me!"

Lets leave those two love birds alone. What's Amelio up to? Ah, he's leaving the hide out. He's dressed in a large, brown trench coat and is wearing some sunglasses and a brown detective hat. I bet he's going to do some scouting! Amelio heads straight for a dark alley, and sits down. Soon after, a guy in ragged clothes sits beside him.

"You got the drugs for me, esay?"

"The pigs in this city have went away. I don't need a middle man to take the heat anymore. You're fired."

"That's a bad call, culo. Prepare to die."

Amelio gets out his switchblade knife, and stabs the guy with it. Amelio puts his switchblade knife back in his shell and leaves.

"I don't need the puto, since I already know a large majority of the people in the streets through selling drugs. The pigs are gone, eh? This might be a good chance to increase my influence."

He heads into the main street to see what's happening around in the city. He notices that the city population has gotten quite a bit dimmer. A group of people walk up to Amelio while he's walking around.

"Hey, weird guy in the coat! We're taking all your money!"

"...holmes, you'd best stop. By the time I say "ariba", you better be gone, before I down you."

There is about 15 of the gang members, and they have surrounded Amelio. All of them have guns pointed at Amelio.

"You can still talk tough after all of us have pointed guns at y-"

"ARIBA!"

Amelio doesn't let the leader finish, and rushes at him. Everyone starts shooting at him, but they don't do any harm. Amelio slices the leader's throat with his switchblade knife. The other members give up after seeing that their gun fires don't even hurt Amelio. Some even start to recognize Amelio through his jacket.

"You all work for me now. Anyone who doesn't like it can have a chat with my knife. Any problem compadres?"

"No boss! We'll faithfully serve you!"

"Good. How about I give you some weapons, and we take this city over?"

"I won't let you do that! This city is a place for for upright members of society! I won't let you monsters get away with any more horrible acts!"

It's Blender! This time, he's in a tank! He's trying to stop Amelio from setting those bad children straight. How low can you be?

"You never learn, do you, amigo? You can't beat us. Gracias for the tank, though. It will help us take over this city."

Blender fires a shot out of his tank at Amelio, but Amelio effortlessly swats the shot away. Amelio dashes at Blender as he fires at him with the tank. Blender realizes that the tank shots won't do any good, and leaves the tank. He jumps out of the tank armed with a rocket launcher. Blender fires two rockets at Amelio, and Amelio misses both of them. They both explode, knocking Amelio back. Blender doesn't let up there. He keeps on firing at Amelio. Amelio appears to be damaged after the shots. He's down and having a difficult time getting up.

"It looks like you freaks can take some damage after all. It's time to finish this.

"Even if you kill me, you'll never beat the other three, puta."

"So you're the weakest, eh? No matter, I'm sure there isn't that much difference between you four. You're finished."

Blender aims the rocket launcher at Amelio, but is assaulted in gunfire before he can fire. The gang members that Amelio saved are shooting at Blender! Thank goodness! The shots don't pierce Blender, but they do force him back, and make him drop the rocket launcher. Amelio takes this chance and pulls a light pole out of the ground, then he throws it like a spear at Blender. The light pole hits Blender in the chest, and knocks him back into a building. He's still up after the throw, but he's heavily damaged.

"Damn..."

Blender quickly retreats after getting hit by the pole. Amelio's too exhausted to give chase, and he's too fast for the minions to follow, so Blender escapes yet one more time.

"Thank you, amigos. You saved me back there."

"We weren't about to let him kill you. Your idea to take over the city was too good for us to just let you die before seeing that come true."

"Yeah, we'll definitely take over the city."

Amelio and the gang press their fists together and swear to do their best to make the city a better place. Amelio picks up the rocket launcher, and decides to make that his normal weapon. He orders one of the followers to drive the tank into a hideout, and starts finding more people to rescue from Blender's brainwashing.

Chapter 3 end


	4. Chapter 4

This chapter begins with Amelio discussing plans with the other turtles on how to save the city from Blender's reign of terror. It has been a week since his last encounter with Blender, and he's been busy trying to save everyone. However, even Amelio can't save the city on his own. He needs the help of the other turtles in order to do so!

"Yo, Paco! What do you need with us?"

"I've spent the past week picking up comrades who will assist us in taking this city. I have enough supporters and weaponry to take on what the military will send against us. I just need the help from you three. I have even arranged for better weaponry for us."

"I absolutely abhor violence! Why must I join in on this barbaric quest?"

"...If I didn't need your help, I would have killed you a long time ago, culo. You'll be able to live outside, and have your own faggy vegetable garden, or whatever the hell you want to do with your outside space. You'll even have an army of followers, since we'll be the leaders of an army."

"In that case, I'll join in. I guess even a gentleman like myself has to get his hands dirty every now and then, doesn't he?"

"By the way, what weapons do we get?"

"Despite Cornelius annoying me for the rocket launcher, I'm taking it. My switchblade knife was only a symbol in the streets, and is useless in heavy combat."

"So what is my weapon, Paco?"

"I've given you two things, esay. One, I've taken that dead moose in the fridge and heavily mutated it. It is now alive, and ride-able with some heavy armor for protection. It's now tougher than a tank. It can also spit fire. Two, I've taken your chainsaw and lengthened the blade...five times. I know how you love having overkill weaponry, so I picked the most over-the-top thing I could think of."

"Fuckin' right! This is so kick ass! Nothing's more awesome than riding a giant mutated moose while wielding a massive chainsaw! You outdid yourself this time, Paco!"

"Well what do you have in store for me? This can of mace is only for warding off molesters, and isn't for actual combat."

"This is a special kind of megaphone. It can either project your voice or focus it into one spot. Your voice is now that much more dangerous. Oh, and here's a light saber for close combat. Don't ask me how I got my hands on it."

"Good job, Amelio. Maybe I will let you eat from my vegetable garden when I plant one. Once you go organic, you'll never go back."

"What about me? Do I get a Gatling gun or something?"

"Lamp...you'll get the most powerful weapon of all, and that's counseling."

"Excuse me?"

"Use Lamps again, man. You've mastered the strongest martial arts ever known, and we need that in order succeed. We need your Lamp-Fu!"

"I refuse! I'm tired of being associated with lamps! Do you know how many times Cornelius has rubbed on me to get a genie to come out of me?"

"Holmes, you are the only master of the most powerful martial arts in existence. You sacrificed your identity to lamps so you could master lamps. You even used to love lamps. Get over your annoying teenage rebellious phase and fight at full power. You're far stronger than any of us, and we'll need that strength. Do you want to live your life as a whiny little girl who hates his strange name and can't live to his fullest potential, or do you want to live as a proud man with a silly name who crushes everything in his path? There was once a man who was named Betty, and he didn't let that stop him from living proudly as Betty! Accept it! Love lamps! Embrace lamps! Become lamps themselves! You are the glass of your lamp!"

"..."

Lamp doesn't say a word to Amelio, and leaves for his room. Amelio decides to try again later, and asks Cornelius and Postulio to come with him to meet their underlings. They head out for the city, and see that it is full of life and energy. People are cheerfully playing in the city. They're setting things on fire, breaking things, and other fun activities. There is even a couple playing tag.

"Someone! Help me!"

"Get back here! I'm nowhere near done with you!"

They eventually meet up with a large huddle of people, all equipped with highly destructive weapons. All of them are eager to meet up with Amelio's strong brothers.

"Greetings amigos! These are two of the leaders of our army! The strongest one is having complications, so he won't be with us until later. We have taken over this city, but that's not good enough! We should aim higher, because the army will eventually try to take us down! Lets-"

As Amelio was about to continue, the stage he was standing on was blown up. In the distance is Blender, who is walking towards the crowd with an army of tanks behind him. There's also jets shooting down some of the crowd.

"I've had it with you monsters! This time, I'm giving it everything I have!"

"Amigos! It's time! Fire everything you have to take these culos down!"

Amelio shouts to the crowd, as he destroys one of the jets with a rocket launcher shot. Cornelius gets on his giant moose, and gets his chainsaw started. Postulio tries out his new microphone, and destroys a few jets with the widespread function. Blender jumps into the crowd of Amelio's army, and starts slicing the people up with a sword. Everyone hesitantly fires at Blender, but end up killing their own allies with their overly heavy weaponry. Amelio orders Postulio to take on Blender using his light saber. As Postulio starts running towards Blender, Blender retreats, and throws some grenades into the crowd, with Postulio in it, which kills another large portion of the crowd. Obviously Postulio is undamaged, but annoyed at the loss of his followers.

Cornelius is taking the tanks down with ease. The moose doesn't flinch at the tank's weaponry, and Cornelius's upgraded chainsaw cuts through the tanks like butter. He may be in the crowd of tanks on his own, but he has more than enough raw fighting spirit to take the tanks on while everyone else is struggling with Blender.

"This is so kick ass! I'm the freaking mutant black knight! Welcome to my slaughter house you god damn tanks!"

Amelio orders the remaining followers to run away, and leave the fighting to his brothers. Unfortunately, Blender isn't nice enough to let them just leave the field.

"Humans or not, anyone allied to the turtles must die!"

"I won't let you kill my gardeners!"

Blender throws a few more grenades at the followers, but Postulio intercepts them all. Just as Blender tries running toward the crowd again, Amelio fires a rocket at him. Blender jumps out of the way, and to Amelio's surprise, Blender was standing in Cornelius's direction. The rocket flies past where Blender was, and ends up hitting Cornelius. Luckily, Cornelius isn't bothered by the rocket, and continues his rampage. Some tanks managed to slip past Cornelius, and start firing at Amelio and Postulio. Postulio tries to fire a scream in their direction, but Blender slices the megaphone in half. Just as Postulio tries to intercept him, Blender immediately retreats, throwing more grenades at him. Both Amelio and Postulio can't find an opening to attack, and end up getting caught in a barrage of tank and jet fire.

Despite Cornelius's amazing momentum, his chainsaw runs out of gas, leaving him wide open for attack. He took down most of the tanks, but some still remain, and they fire at him mercilessly. His moose's fire breath takes a few of them down, but the other tanks are out of his fire breath's range. Even Cornelius ends up getting caught in a barrage without a means to attack. Blender smiles triumphantly as the turtles are rendered helpless.

"My revenge is almost complete. I just need to keep firing at you until you eventually break. Then I'll take down the one that isn't here."

"You'll need much more than that petty army to take down the mighty Lamp!"

The sky suddenly darkens as Blender's enjoying his triumph. Surprised, Blender looks up to see Lamp standing on top of the tallest building around. Blender gasps in amazement, as the sky is covered in floating Lamps.

"I am the glass of my lamp.

The light is my soul, and electricity is my life.

I have created over a thousand lamps.

Seen by many

Known by none

I have sold my individuality to lamps

Yet I'll never bathe in their brilliant light

So as I pray

Unlimited Lamps!"

Lamp waves his hand, and as he does, lamps start crashing down at the enemy. Every tank and jet instantly explode as they're hit by a lamp. Blender manages to swat away every lamp that falls down at him, but he's starting to get tired. Lamp creates a lamp post and jumps down the building. Lamp stands on equal level to Blender, staring at his new prey while holding a lamp post as a weapon.

"You've caused more than enough trouble for us, you little bastard. I don't know what we did to you, but your revenge attempts end here."

Chapter 4 end


	5. Chapter 5

Lamp has saved the day! Who knew he had such a powerful attack with such a seemingly weak item? Actually, how is a lamp able to destroy heavily military weaponry! Who cares? Lamp is standing face-to-face with the villain that has caused the turtles so much turmoil, and is about to end it.

"Lamp! You pansy bastard! What took you so damn long!"

"You making us wait is so not fabulous. I broke a nail because of your lateness!"

"Good job getting over your hatred of Lamps, esay."

"Yeah, sorry I'm late, ass holes. Tweaser kinda died so I had to bury him."

"The old windbag died? YES!"

"Blender, or whatever your name is, mind telling us why you want us dead? I think those will be fitting as your last words."

Blender stares at Lamp for a second, then confirms something with himself. He takes off his mask, and everyone gasps at surprise at what's under the mask. Blender is a giant mutant frog! Cornelius and Amelio smile at each other.

"A giant frog...you know what that means, Paco?"

"Si! Let me prepare. Lamp! Don't kill him! Just beat him so bad he can't move!"

"I'm going to die soon, anyway, so there's no need to conceal what I am any longer. Like all of you, I used to be a small reptile, but I was thrown in radioactive waste, which somehow turned me into a large mutant humanoid thing. I was living happily with my pregnant wife, then you ass holes came along! You started burning down my home! When you saw my wife, you shoved a fire cracker in her ass, and made her go pop. Then you threw me in radioactive waste just because you thought I'd drown in it. This is the crime you have committed against me, and I intend on making you pay for it!"

"Why would you want to kill me? I was knocked out at that time!"

"Shut up Postulio! So this is why you've annoyed the piss out of us this past month. We'll take this to heart. Next time we have fun time with nature, we'll kill everything! Prepare yourself, Blender!"

Lamp runs at Blender with his lamp post in his hand. Blender tries to keep his distance, but Lamp is too fast. Lamp quickly shortens the distance, and starts swinging at Blender. Blender starts blocking with his sword, but it's not doing much good. Lamp is far stronger than Blender, and his swings force Blender to put everything into defending himself. Lamp's next strike sends Blender flying back a few feet. Blender takes this chance to throw some grenades and Lamp, and attempt to fall back. Lamp hits all of the grenades with his lamp post and knocks them all back at Blender. All of the grenades explode at Blender, causing heavy damage to him. Blender is laid down on the ground, and can hardly move any more.

"I guess I'll wait for Amelio to get back before killing you. I'll make sure you won't be able to pull any more monkey business with us."

Lamp encases blender in a large, human sized lamp to make sure he doesn't get away. Blender doesn't struggle, or even seem worried. He seems resigned to his fate.

"Don't think this is the end. I have prepared one last trick that'll activate when I die. If this doesn't destroy you, then I guess you bastards are immortal."

"I'll take whatever you have coming for me."

"Yo amigos! Sorry it took so long!"

Amelio's back from wherever he went, and he's back with what looks like to be a fairly large dynamite. What could he be planning to do with it?

"Aww hell yeah! Nice find, Paco!"

"Is this why you're making me hold off on killing him? Just for a stick of dynamite? I can crush him inside the lamp I have him trapped in at any time."

"You don't get it, Lamp. There's no better way to kill a giant frog than to stick a giant fire cracker in its ass!"

"You jackasses."

"I protest to this cruel treatment to this poor frog! Animals like this must be-"

A lamp forms behind Postulio, and crashes against his head, knocking him out. Lamp removes the lamp encasing Blender, and Cornelius holds him down. Amelio takes the stick of dynamite, and shoves it far up Blender's posterior. Amelio lights up the fuse, and they watch as the fuse starts to burn out.

"So this is how I go, eh? Atleast I get to go like my wife did. When I die, a signal will be sent for the military to nuke this city, since your existence is a threat to this country. Good-bye you scum of this planet!"

"What a fucking wind-bag. Die quietly like the dog you are!"

"He's a frog."

"Shut up, smart ass!"

The fuse finally burns out, causing the dynamite to explode. Blender is blown to many tiny pieces, and Amelio and Cornelius celebrate the defeat of an enemy that threatened the very peace of the world.

"That was so cool! It was much better than doing it to small frogs!"

"Yes it was, esay."

Just as the team was celebrating, a massive bomb starts falling towards the city. It seems Blender's warning is coming true. Not even the turtles can survive this! Lamp smiles at the massive bomb, and raises his arm at it. As the bomb is falling, it becomes slowly encased in glass. Before it can hit the earth, the bomb is fully encased in a even more massive lamp, and is floating above ground.

"Hey Amelio, you said you wanted to take over this city, right? That's far too small scale. I say we take over this damn country! They're going to keep attacking us until we either destroy them all or they kill us. I think owning a full country of followers sounds nice. Let me start by warping this here nuke into this country's capitol, severely damaging its chain of command."

"That's a great idea, esay! Leave it to the brightest member of the team to come up with something like this."

"I don't care, as long as me and my moose have shit to kill. Just don't hog all of the carnage for yourself, Lamp.

The massive lamp that's encasing the bomb vanishes. It's warped directly in the capitol where all of the high ranking executives are. The bomb explodes, destroying everything within a ten mile radius. The three turtles all agree to put together their efforts to make this country a better place.

It takes several years, but with their combined efforts, the country becomes fully under the turtles' control. It's a little uncivilized, but it has become a much better place. There's no more law. Everyone is on equal terms, and the strong make it further than anyone else. The turtles all go their separate ways in order to find their own form of happiness in their newly owned country.

Cornelius ends up wandering around the country with his moose, whom he named Tyrone. He searches high and low for anyone to challenge. Even though he has taken over a country, his thirst for battle will never be quenched.

Amelio spends his time sleeping in a hammock. He has assembled a team of followers, and other than warding off assassination attempts, he never has to get up. To Amelio, his current life is pure bliss.

As Postulio originally planned, he gets a team of followers to plant him a massive vegetable garden. He has every vegetable imaginable. Unfortunately, every year, when his vegetables are about ready to be picked, someone burns down his entire garden. Serves him right!

Lamp spends his days furthering his mastery of lamps. While it's still far off from him, Lamp intends on making life in a planet-sized lamp that will house all kinds of life.

The end

"This, kids, is how our country became the wonderful place it is. We're no longer bound by those dreadful "laws" and power is the only voice for us. The strong thrive, and weak die off. We all have to thank the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for making this country so great, and-"

"Shut the hell up!"

One of my students starts to pull out a gun from his pocket, but before he has a chance to, I pull out my own gun and shoot him in the head, killing him.

"Anyone else think my teaching is boring?"

Everyone shakes their heads.

"Good. Well my lesson's almost over anyway. I hope you can learn to appreciate what the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have done for us. You can all go home now. Just make sure you aren't raped or killed on the way home."


End file.
